Doing four core activities, reading Bahai books and holy writings, watching TV and listening to music.

Colour of the wind is my favourite song

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Share with you! My spiritual journey searching for Baha'u'llah! I was born in a very typical Chinese family, therefore I was a strong atheist by upbringing. Religion was a taboo in my paternal family; they would look at it with jaundiced eye. However I grew up in a Christian town where the majority of the people there were so-called Christian. I attended the Methodist Kindergarten, next to the church in town. I used to play around the church after school with my friends. Sometimes we would sneak into the church to have a look at what was going on, out of curiosity. Every Sunday morning, I would see a lot of people with bibles in their hands going into the church. Since primary school, I would hear from my friends about their exciting activities in the church, especially on Sundays. I always felt left out yet I had no interest in finding out more due to family restriction. My friends warned me that if I did not believe in Christ, I would go to hell after death while they would go to heaven. I really felt cursed at being sentenced to go to hell like that. However, I read a lot of Christian stories which were available in the library, and what attracted me were the beautiful and colourful pictures in the story books. When I was in secondary school, I started to ponder about religion and why we needed it. There were so many religions, which one should I choose? My Christian friends always told me their religion was the only true religion in the world and Christ was the only way - other religions were nothing but devils and they advised me to be careful not to fall into their pits. I started to question: how could they degrade other people’s religion? I found that Muslims and Buddhists were good people, too. Therefore I was annoyed by their prejudice and sense of superiority. Anti-Christian feelings grew silently in my heart. I was invited countless times to go to church for prayers, bible study, Christmas celebration, youth camps, etc. I always made some excuse to reject them but in my heart I told myself, “No way will I join your activities!” My friends persevered. The priest always smiled at me sweetly whenever he saw me and would give me something like the newsletter. Every Christmas my friends gave away beautiful pamphlets to the public. I remember one group of Christian friends came to my house and preached to my younger sister and me. At the end of the session, I was asked to close my eyes and recite prayers with one of them. I did what I was told as I did not know how to say no but I thought to myself, “Hey, when did I say I want to join your religion and how could you force me to say your prayer?” When they left, my sister and I laughed at each other for our silly behaviour. My maternal uncles used to give us Bahá’i books whenever they came to visit us. As far as I remember, among the books were New Garden, Hidden Words and some prayer books. I never read any one of them; I just flipped through the pages and left them aside. At that time, all I knew was that Bahá’i was a religion, nothing more. In the year 2000, I went to another town to continue my Form Six studies. My mathematics teacher came into the class on the first day and asked us to write down on a piece of paper our name, religion and STPM target for mathematics. He said those without any religion had to go and see him because it was a violation of the Rukun Negara, the first of which is “Belief in God”. I struggled for a while about what I should write. I thought of writing Bahá’i but worried that if I were asked about it I would not be able to give any answers. Finally, I put down Catholic as my religion since I had a better understanding of that than of any other religion. After I handed in my paper, I felt bad for having cheated myself. It was then that I suddenly had a strong feeling that I must embrace a religion. Again, most of my friends in that town were Christians, including my landlord and housemates. They treated me very well and sincerely and my anti-Christian feelings became less pronounced. One of my classmates told me, “Grace, now is the time for you to believe in God,” and invited me to their Bible study. I did not go but I felt my rejection of Christianity was not as strong as before. I told her I would believe one day but not now. In the same year, one of my maternal uncles passed away while he was studying in China. I was really sad over his sudden passing as we were very close to each other and he had died at such a young age. It was something very unexpected and so sad that the pain still lingers today. From that day onwards, I started to mull over the purpose of life in this mortal world. Do we leave nothing behind when we pass away? I was curious about life after death. However I just thought about it and did nothing much to find out. After my Form Six, I got an offer to study in USM(University Science Malaysia)in Penang. I was extremely happy because it was my first choice of course and university. Moreover I could free myself from my family which I found too conservative and boring and where I had no freedom! Before I entered university, I used to imagine how colourful and beautiful life in university would be. But when I actually started university, it was far from my expectations. I was homesick and would cry at the hostel. I bitterly regretted ever choosing a university that was so far away from my home and realised how much my parents loved me. I felt so lonely and helpless and found that I needed a power to support me. This feeling grew worse during weekends when most of my friends would go back to their hometowns. My elder sister came to visit me one day; she brought me two books. One was New Garden and the other one was The Art of Living. I would read these two books whenever I was free. After reading New Garden, I understood progressive revelation and found the answers that I had been searching for. There was a prayer for spiritual growth in The Art of Living, which went, “O God, refresh and gladden my spirit.......” At that time I did not know it was a prayer; I did not even know how to pray. However I felt so much better every time after reading it. Slowly I found out that the power I needed was God. At the same time, my uncle encouraged me to do the Bahá’i Ruhi course. I started the sequence of courses gradually and I only accepted Bahá’u’lláh after Book 3. After starting Ruhi and reading more Bahá’i literature, I gained more understanding of the Bahá’i Faith. However it was Book 6 that had the strongest effect on me. On completion of Book 6, I realised that religion is service. “Being” and “doing” are two complementary aspects of Bahá’i life. If we do not serve, we are like a candle that cannot give out light. For me, we are useless in the eyes of Bahá’u’lláh if we do not serve. I could really smell the fragrance of the Abhá Kingdom when I was doing Book 6 - the environment was very conducive, the weather wonderful (it was the end of the winter in Macau) and the course was conducted in my mother tongue. I remember having to memorize all the quotations. For the practical part, we had to draw up our teaching plans and how we were going to achieve them. The first thought that came for my elder sister and me was to teach our siblings. We could not wait to go back home and share with them the teachings of Bahá’u’lláh. Now, happily, all our siblings are Bahá’is. I have found the true happiness that I never knew before by serving the Cause. I feel very fortunate that I am a Bahá’i. Out of 6 billion people in the world, I am among those who have been chosen to accept Bahá’u’lláh and to become one of His servants. My love for Bahá’u’lláh did not blossom overnight; it developed gradually through serving the Cause. There are many tests and difficulties that must be overcome along the journey of service. The journey is rather thorny I must say, but along the way I grow closer to God, learn to be more tolerant and accept all the trials and tribulations in my stride. I am grateful for all His blessings and pray for the strength to face any tests He may place in my path. I cannot imagine what my life would be like if I were not a Bahá’i today. Life would be meaningless without Bahá’u’lláh.